Toi-Toi, Squatty-Potties, and other reasons to stop at Dunkin’ Donuts

It’s a necessary topic. Bathrooms. Where to find them, which ones you pay for, and how little you can spend to use a restaurant bathroom. When we first arrived, we always kept change in our pockets for the toi-toi (Hubby calls them Blue Rockets---basically a group of porta-jons in a row). Outside, a babushka charges anywhere from 15-20 rubles for one person to use it. One of the potties is actually her hut. In the winter especially, she will sit inside and smoke, read trashy magazines, or eat her lunch. Yum!

You have to take your toilet paper ahead of time and hope you’re right. The picture shows me with a few of my kids at a stop along the Moscow River. This was a special treat because she let my youngest through without paying. I was 20 rubles richer that day!

Then there are the squatty potties. Even at some of the most beautiful statues and parks, they have buildings filled with these. They also cost money. There is no concern about somebody taking too long because they are like urinals in the ground. Thus the name, squatty potty. I have three daughters. Our visits to the squatty potty are long and unpleasant. Number 3 often proclaims out loud, “It smells so terrible in here I think I’m going to throw-up!”

A few weeks ago we had some guests here. It was late at night and we were sight-seeing. We had heard about a really neat diorama in the lobby of one of the nicest hotels in Russia so we decided to walk there. After strolling past the guards in our casual get-up, we found the diorama. It was incredible! On the way out, we spotted some bathrooms. I know well enough to stop when you see one, especially if it’s free. Forget the diorama, THEY were incredible.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned that Russian women pose in front of everything and apparently, fancy restrooms are no exception. I have to admit, I took a little bit of toilet paper to show my friends because it was seriously thicker than most tablecloths I’ve seen. There were warmed, individually rolled, hand towels for each patron and the fragrance was very inviting. I lingered in there a little bit longer than necessary.

And my last example: restaurants. Last night I stopped at Dunkin Donuts with a friend on a very busy street. After we waited in line behind nine people, they told us they didn’t have smoothies, iced coffees, or anything else cold despite the 80 degrees and humidity. But, since I waited in line, I definitely deserved to use the jon. On the back of the door, the very poor English translation said, “DO NOT THROUGH YOUR PAPERS INTO THE TOILET.” I forgot to mention that some potties have little baskets right next to the can so you can toss your paper. Ick.

One last warning. If you walk into a water closet and see a member of the opposite gender, don’t sweat it. Maybe you’re jet-lagged. Or maybe you’re in a fancy, recommended restaurant in Moscow where bathrooms are co-ed. And don’t forget, janitors may walk in at any time. Guys, they’re usually female. Don’t worry, they don’t mind. You do your business and they’ll do theirs.