What I thought I wanted

It's three o'clock in the morning. I wish I was suffering from jet lag, but I'm not. I've been in the States for six weeks, with two more to go before I return to my home in Russia. The doctors visits are almost wrapped up, the shopping list is almost complete, and my kids are thoroughly ready to return.

I apologize for the absence. I wanted to "vacate" while I was here and just enjoy the moments. There have been plenty of good ones to cherish. While I was visiting with some friends this weekend, one commented to me, "you probably haven't written because you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or say something that questions your loyalty to your home." WOW! After hearing it said out loud, I determined that was perhaps the very reason.

So back to the title. One of my favorite songs has the lyrics "what I thought I wanted, what I got instead..."

I feel this way because I had an idea of how this trip was going to turn out and it seems so completely opposite, yet good. Things with the kids came up, things with family came up, and friends often went above and beyond to help me out. I thought I wanted a working vacation, but instead I haven't touched the schoolbooks at all. There's just been no time. I thought I wanted time and space for myself, but it's been a challenge to be alone.

I am just writing this to tell you all that I'm still out here. I'm okay. Each day has its joys and disappointments, but this will soon be a memory. I've got pictures to prove I was here and yet I don't feel my own presence. I guess this is what you get at 3am. Stop by in a few weeks and I'll give you the real scoop.