Recalculating

It's imperative that I write today. As the wonder of Moscow, and Russia in general, has worn off, my updates have been fewer and further between. Things that impressed me at first just don't seem that spectacular anymore. I always get frowns from cashiers when I don't have the proper change. I always get in trouble with babushkas who think my kids aren't dressed heavily enough. I am used to being pushed around, smelling urine on the train, and carrying several pounds of groceries each week.

We relinquished our car back in August, but on many occasions, my husband would ignore the GPS and tell her he didn't want to go that way. Her official reply was, "recalculating...recalculating." I decided that having a GPS was worthless when the driver had in mind a better route. Which brings me to my newest topic.

We thought we were moving to Virginia. We thought it would be soon. I felt like I could see the flag at the end and hear the GPS happily announcing, "Arriving at destination!" But instead all I can think is that we are recalculating. I'm not prone to lying so I'll tell you outright that I am sad, a little depressed, and deeply disappointed. I am touched by the reaction of my friends here in Moscow who are secretly happy we're staying longer, but empathizing with our frustration. The only thing running through my mind is a fourth winter in Russia.

It doesn't help that we just returned from a trip to the Mediterranean where the sun, beach, and beer were the to-do list each day. In Moscow there isn't any sun from now until February (and only when it's painfully cold) and we didn't have an adequate summer. I do have some fun things coming up like the Marine Ball, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. After that, it looks bleak. Hopefully I'll be surprised by some bends in the road and rediscover the charm of Moscow. Until then, I'll keep driving until the map is back up on the screen.