Loaded with Expectation

I don't really like Mother's Day. I never have. When I was a kid, it meant that we had to behave properly during church to "honor" our mother and that dad would try a little bit harder to make things easy on mom that day. It meant obligatory flowers and lunch. I always thought that requiring kids to make moms feel special was kind of inauthentic.

As a young mother, it meant that any three out of four years, my kids threw up on me. In my bed. "Happy Mother's Day! Blechhhh." I'm not kidding. I actually quit planning to go to church on those mornings. I also hate the expectation that for one perfect day, my kids are supposed to pepper me with sugary compliments and flowers because that's what everyone else is doing. And Hallmark said so.

One year, some friends of mine were comparing what they were getting for the holiday; diamond necklaces, flowers, a day at the spa. One of my friends said to my kids, "What are you doing for Mother's Day? What does your mom want?" Number 1 said calmly, "All my mom wants, all she's ever wanted, is a quiet day alone."

She's right. I don't want the flowers, the brunch, or the plastered on smiles of small children. I want peace and quiet. A day to ponder.

I'm in Boston as I write this. My husband and I came up here for the weekend to catch a Red Sox game and since I work remotely, for me to visit my office to meet some colleagues face to face for the first time. I forgot it was Mother's Day until I looked at the calendar. When we lived overseas, we didn't really celebrate Mother's Day. They have instead, International Women's Day. I like this much more and here's why.

I know a lot of incredible females. Some of them will never have children. Some have lost children. Some are in custody battles and won't see their kids today. Some are insecure about their parenting and aren't really sure they should have had kids. When I got on the bus in Boston today, the driver asked every female rider if she was a mother. I wondered about their stories. Do they have a child who has died? Maybe one in prison or lives far away? Maybe their kids were placed in Foster Care and they never got them back. I'm not unbiased about this holiday situation. I think Father's Day is equally difficult.

So I'm not going to write about my own motherhood. As I think about new kids coming into my home, I want to minimize my successes and instead cherish what other people teach me. So on that note, I'm going to share a few life lessons that I've learned from my non-mother friends about life and humanity.

One has taught me enthusiasm for the unknown. One has taught me that diving in head first to social justice requires more than 40 hours a week. That having hobbies isn't a crime. That your closet needs well selected quality items to look your best. That traveling alone can be an invigorating experience. That being an aunt/neighbor/mentor is really fun and has great benefits.