How Is It Supposed to Feel?

We have a high school graduate. She's currently in the French Riviera celebrating her freedom. Jokingly, one of my husband's co-workers said to her, "Don't get kidnapped!" Really, moron? Really? This will be her second time to Europe without me since we've been back in the States. I'm completely jealous and yet totally happy for her solo adventures.

People keep asking us the same question; "How does it feel?"

How did it feel having four kids under five? How did it feel moving my family to Russia? How did it feel when my kids fired me as their home school teacher? Exhausting? Terrifying? Incredible? All these things and more.

Today my husband and I took an American Heart Association First Aid/CPR class which is a requirement for our foster journey. I was required to watch a brief video of this in order to take Number 2 home from the NICU 15 years ago, but other than that, I've never gotten certified. I sure am glad none of my kids have needed it because I wasn't equipped. Sheesh, my house is safer now than it has ever been!

"Are you ok? Are you ok?"
Begin 30 strong chest compressions to the tune of "Stayin' Alive."
Two breaths.
Listen.
Use the AED.
Repeat as needed.

It feels like that. It feels like I have to keep breathing. Keep counting. Keep living.